Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
