I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
