I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
