She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
