We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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