he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
