If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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