these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
