flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
