this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
