i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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