when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
