I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
