Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
