so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
