I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
