so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
