i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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