Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
