Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
