i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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