Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
