so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
