forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
