How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
