i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
