I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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