I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
