its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
