So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
