i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
