ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
