i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we made out on top of his cat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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