Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
