I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
