member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
