Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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