I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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