I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
