Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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