Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
