hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
