So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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