i already hear my dad disowning me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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