i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
