My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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