I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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