my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
