I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
