My hand turned me down
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
